GRATITUDE

I grew up celebrating Thanksgiving Day -- a cornucopia overflowing with autumnal harvest as its symbol.

 

 

We would give thanks for our bountiful table, as the Pilgrims at Plymouth I 1621 gave thanks to the Native Americans for their first abundant harvest.

Although little more than a commemoration of an historical event, the Day was not really an exercise in gratitude for me. This came years later with the acquisition of Simple Abundance A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.

After one of our global moves, some two decades ago, a culture shock in teaching awaited me and as a mother of two young girls, I put myself last in the line of caring. As you do. I needed to nurture myself and did so by starting firstly, a Gratitude Journal.

Nightly, I wrote 5 things for which I was grateful. Every new day, I was alert with awareness welcoming in anything and everything, no matter how mundane, that gave me pause or an "awe" moment. Not always did I recapture at bedtime the top 5 moments. Some days I was hard pressed to find even one. But it was enough to live each day being hopeful.

The second journal I commenced then was an Illustrated Discovery one. It was my scrapbook before scrapbooking became a new thing to do, of all things beautiful that touched my soul. In it I pasted images, scenes, quotations -- so when I flipped through its beauty laden pages it was like "hyacinths for the soul."

Some two decades later, I find myself on another healing journey, this time from anxiety. I still have my Illustrated Discovery Journal to gaze through all the beauty I recorded so long ago. Yet, now, it is the daily Gratitude that speaks more to my soul. I awake every new morning reciting mentally a list of things for which I am thankful. This list started off as meagre and almost forced, until today the thankfulness just flows. I take nothing for granted. I stop to smell the roses, or more the eucalypts here in Oz. I breathe in the fresh air of the bush. Listen to the varied songs of the birds. Gaze out at the vastness of water that surrounds me or the night time sky. Sit quietly with our cat snuggled on my lap. Smile. Greet my neighbour. Invite silence and being.

I end the day similarly by listing the things great and small for which I am grateful.

Gratitude is everywhere now. I happen upon articles on gratitude.
I attract books on gratitude. Rhonda Byrne suggests to "use gratitude until it becomes your way of life."
Gratitude is there in my daily meditation practice.
The Universe is forever sending me reminders to be grateful. I oblige.

It is this simple exercise that almost exclusively got me out of my fatalistic thinking with which anxiety plagued me this year.

Gratitude.
Happy Thanksgiving Day.

Published By: Valdone's Leaf
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HEALING 2

The words often attributed to Buddha, but quoted as a Chinese and Zen Proverb as well. How true the words echo.

It wasn't until some six months later that my anxiety diminished and things just fell into place. Once my physical symptoms of depression were addressed, once sleep became regulated, once I could concentrate, once I started exercise, once I included acupuncture into my healing regime, once I made meditation, gratitude and affirmations a daily habit, once I introduced calming foods into my diet, once I was able to control my catastrophic thinking -- only then, was I able to apply anxiety management techniques. Only then, was I able to learn from my reading. Only then, was I able to control my anxiety.

The lesson for me was no matter how desperately I wanted to rid myself of this anxiety, I could not just will it away. And until my mind was ready, until the student was ready, I could not proceed with the next step, no teacher presented itself. No matter the good intention of anxiety programs like I mentioned in my last blog the Cool, Calm and Collected four week program, until the mind is ready, no amount of reading, wanting, daily lessons, and listening could penetrate the barriers put up because of my anxiety.

I am a firm believer now, that you just have to go through the anxiety. I hate to have to admit this since if I had read this during my searching, in the midst of my intense anxiety, I would have screamed and been acutely frustrated. So frustrated that there was nothing immediate that I could implement to rid me of the anxiety for good. Yes I came across sites that offered immediate relief for the anxiety symptoms. Sites such as Inner Health Studio gave advice, Psychology Today presented quick tips and the Calm Clinic presented guidance. And thank you for these and others. They were my saviour. All these helped me survive the intensity. My healing journey comprised surviving each minute, never mind anything more long-term.

For me the saying was aptly put: "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

To this day I still use the concepts I learned from the anxiety cure: Cool, Calm and Collected.  Not then, but six months later. My anxiety exited my life almost as insidiously as it entered it. For the most part. I still have the occasional day when the anxiety deigns to visit me and check in with me as if to challenge my learning strategies. This I can handle. But I no longer suffer 24/7. Thank you, my God.

Healing.

Published By: Valdone's Leaf